The Power of Intention – Choosing a Word for your year…

Every year I choose words that relate to areas on which I want to focus. Call it a challenge or a ‘reminder to self’. You could even see it as another way of being intentional, of setting goals. Last year my words were ‘compassion’, ‘growth’ and ‘openness’. I stick them on a piece of paper in clear view near my laptop, and then… I tend to forget about them.

Recently, on a cleaning bout, I found my words and realised they’re not aims anymore. I’ve already developed these new habits by living through challenges with compassion and openness. Reminders have become obsolete! 

So I wrote down my new word: Intention.

Let me be frank here: I was in a state of complete overwhelm. Not only from a workload to which I’m usually all too eager to say ‘yes’ to, but mostly because I knew I was not giving my goals the attention they needed for me to change them from being wishful thinking into accomplishments. I wasn’t living intentionally!

Intention is such a powerful concept in a world that is increasingly striving to divert our attention away from what we want, to what the world wants from us! As I found myself increasingly frazzled by all the demands on my time flying into my inbox, I realized how much of my energy was spent doing what others wanted me to do:

• Attend a webinar
• Read a newsletter
• Learn more about Facebook Ads
• Get better at…
• Lose weight or get abs or eat better…
• Be healthier/sleep soundly/buy this magic product

On the surface, these actions appear to be about improving myself. And let’s face it, we’re all getting better informed and more tech-savvy without needing to leave our homes. We’re the society with the most resources at its fingertips.  Ever. So when another helpful resource lands in my inbox, it’s really common sense to read it, learn more, find out the latest, get better at what you want to achieve, prepare a bit more.

But we need to get to the point where we know that all the knowledge in the world means nothing without doing.

There is a place for try, fail, get better at it and try again that no number of new courses are going to teach you. This is when living with intent comes in – where having clear intentions create laser focus that steers every decision.

These are the key questions to ask when you decide that you, too, want to be clear about where you put your time, energy, and money:

• What do I need to do to take care of myself?
• What can I take action on to have the kind of relationships that enrich my life?
• What’s the most important action to take every day to achieve my biggest goal?
• What do I have to say ‘no’ to?

Once you’ve answered these questions, you‘ll  be empowered to do the biggest intentional action possible: being able to say “No”. 

I’m finding huge freedom from external demands by being selective about what gets my attention and what not, and I find that I’m already better at slipping into auto-self-checking gear: “Am I being pulled along by someone else’s agenda or do I really want to do this for my own reasons?”

Go on, try it!

ABOUT LOUISE…

Drawing heavily on her professional experiences and her own transformational process, Louise VN Liebenberg, Life Coach, Counsellor, Rescuer-Of-Abandoned-Cats and Road-Trip-Lover shares her no-nonsense, practical approach to mindful, constructive involvement in one’s own life.

She lays out a fresh approach to relationship building and shares the outlook-changing self-empowerment tools needed in a step by step way.

She combines her experience as a stained glass and ceramics artist with her passion for empowering others to achieve their goals by offering different ways to view challenges and approach life. 

A multitude of stray cats share their small-village-life with her and her husband.

Her book Hamster Wheel Relationships For Women: A Step by Step Process to Transform Unfulfilling Relationship Patterns is available on Amazon and you can sign up for her free monthly “Everyday Joy” newsletter at www.i-nfinitepotential.com

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To get the love and the relationship you want it is essential to be authentic!

It is time to be the authentic you! 

Authenticity & the Act of ‘being Authentic’…

I can hear you asking “what does that even mean?” The dictionary meaning of authentic is: of undisputed origin and not a copy; genuine.

Your authentic self is found at your core. It is the part of you not defined by your job or your relationships. It is YOU! The real YOU! It is all of your skills, talents, beliefs and values. It is all of the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, the things that in successful relationships, are honored. 

Authenticity is not default behavior! It takes time and effort, especially as the years roll on and life experience gets in the way, to actually figure out who you are as a person. It is often easier to be what other people want you to be, or to settle for part of what it means to be you.  Sometimes the sheer act of living, can make you feel like you are living a different life to the one you actually were put here to live.  Or maybe it is making certain choices to fit in with a group of friends, to want to be loved by a certain person, or because you feel stuck in your life choices to this point.

To be authentic, you need to have the courage to be imperfect. To believe you, the real you, are worthy of love and acceptance, just as you are; even when it’s hard, and even when you believe you are not good enough.

Authentic Relationships

Relationships have a huge affect on the life we live. To have a healthy relationship you have to be able to talk about how you are feeling and what you want. If you are busy being a people pleaser then you will never be able to do this. It can be easy to confuse being honest with being authentic. We have all had an experience where a friend has said to us can they be honest and then used it in a negative way to let us know exactly what they think.

This is not being authentic. It is rather using honesty to give an opinion. When you are authentic you are able to speak about how you feel and what you want in a way people can hear you. You are able to honor and express you.  

Being authentic is about being truthful to yourself!

Most people want to be loved for who they truly are, yet they never show up as they are to the people in their lives.

How often have you changed who you are to attract the person you want, to keep certain friends or to stay in a relationship? Do you lose yourself in a relationship and just become what the other person wants? Have you simply adapted to please them? Are you unsure of who you are, and so are attracting or ending up in the wrong relationships? I know of many people who have found out what the other person liked and did that to please the other person, basically twisting themselves out of shape to keep someone in their life. This doesn’t last and is one way to create the path of most resistance in the long run.  

It would be like pretending to happy in the morning when you are anything but a morning person, pretending you like to go out when you are a stay at home person. 

It might be that you are trying to be nice and not showing any drama in a new relationship. As much as I recommend putting your best foot forward initially it is also important to be yourself, to communicate what is important to you and show who you are. When you deny your needs to please someone else you are not being authentic. In fact, denying your needs will cause them to come out somewhere or somehow else and it can cause passive aggressive behavior that will ruin a potential relationship.

The importance of being Authentically ‘you’.

You get the picture. You will get tired of being something you are not.

Being what other people want you to be and do does not make anyone happy. So, it’s time to be you!

It is time to be you and show up as you; it is time to do the things you like and not to do things just to please friends, your family, your partner or a potential partner.  When you do this, it gives you the best chance of happiness. It is time to understand how unique and amazing you are. When you do this, the way you act and speak is different. You are not looking for someone to validate you, as you know who you are and are confident in your own value.  In this space being authentic is easy and the energy you give off changes. 

In a committed relationship already? Consider how any ‘conflict’ you may be experiencing, might be aligned with either partner not being true to themselves, not living and expressing their authentic selves.  There are some very simple things that can be done, to help couples become more aligned and live happier lives.

Single and looking for Mr or Mrs Right? Work on your authenticity, on being you. It will become easier to see who will or won’t fit into your best life.  You will be able to be clear on who you are, and what you want, creating a much easier journey to happiness, as will the other person. What a great foundation for a new relationship.

The great thing about this concept, is that it can be applied to any type of human relationship.  Friends, family, and romantic partners; present and future.

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ABOUT DEBBIE…

Debbie Rivers is a Dating/Relationship Expert who works with singles and couples. Her passion is enabling people to create and maintain healthy relationships. Debbie does not believe in leaving the most important area of your live, love, to chance. Debbie works with singles to enable them to prepare to welcome love into their lives. Working on both the inside (how you feel and approach love) and the outside (the impression that others get of you). The goal is to arm singles with the tools and strategies to attract the right person. Debbie’s mission is to enable singles to get ‘relationship ready’ to find and form a lasting relationship with their ideal partner.

Debbie works with couples to help them renew their attraction and provides actionable strategies to improve their relationships. Debbie has over 8 years experience hosting dating events, coaching and matchmaking. Debbie is a Certified Practitioner in Coaching, a Neuro-Linguistic Programming expert, a Certified Master mBIT Coach and is a Certified Matchmaker by the Matchmakers Institute in New York.

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